Expected Response: "Yes, Sensei."

So I got into work this morning and noticed that the front conference room was decked out. There was a banner hanging on the window that faces out into the lobby reading, "Master the Moment" and the conference room tables were filled with note pads, colorful noise makers, and there was a purple orchid plant at each seat. A table in the lobby was covered with a table cloth and bottles of water. I knew that a catered breakfast would be here soon. I passed all this by thinking, "Must be a sales team meeting." They're always doing big flashy meetings to get all our sales agents excited and "power housed" up to go out and try to sell an item that is not selling these days - new homes.

About half way through the morning our marketing director sent out a division wide email letting us know that there was a martial arts themed sales event going on. A campaign called "Master the Moment." Ok. We get these emails all the time, asking for the support of fellow employees and letting us know that it's not for lack of creativity on the part of sales and marketing that our homes aren't moving. I read on: "We will be holding a belt ceremony this morning during our sales meeting. As with any martial arts belt ceremony, we would like to award each of you with your beginner white wrist belt. Upon receipt of this band, remember that you are committing to the challenge with your whole mind, body and spirit...Please be prepared to come to the front of the room to receive your first wrist belt, bow to your awarding sensei...and proceed back to your seats or desk. You will be asked:

DO YOU COMMIT TO MASTER THE MOMENT?

Expected Response: "Yes, Sensei."

I realized that this was not isolated to the sales team, this was something that I was expected to do. I have often felt that I am a part of my own little "The Office" episodes, but never so much as today. My first thought: "Who put Dwight in charge of organizing the sales meetings?"

So what did I do? I hid in the Design Center until the ceremony was over and then, head down, crept back to my desk, quickly and quietly. Past the flashy banners, the table filled with half empty pastry boxes, and a conference room filled with motivated sales people who were applauding while watching a power point presentation their white bracelets bobbing on their wrists and their hearts committed to Mastering the Moment.

UPDATE: (1:30 PM)
Had a manditory meeting in the same room being used for the sales meeting. On an easel supported Post It white board were the words, "Unique Ideas to Build Rapport," a remnant of an earlier team building exercise. On the page were the following suggestions of what to say to potential buyers:
"What do you like about your Lexus? I'm thinking about buying one."
"Your two kids look exactly alike! Are they twins?" and,
"You smell wonderful! What fragrance are you wearing?"

The sales manager is currently wearing a white martial arts uniform with her high heels and has a shot glass on a string around her neck.

The meeting ended with several people yelling, "Sake!!"

UPDATE: (3:08 PM)
Sales meeting is finally over. They hung the Master the Moment banner on the cubical walls that are directly outside my office. The sign has been autographed by the entire sales team, one of whom dotted her "i" with a heart and another who finished her name off with an exclamation point. As in, My name is Ashley Murray! and I work at the best place on earth.